In January of 2011, we began a remodeling project in our kitchen/dining room. Everything was gutted and the white walls stood naked, marked only with a patchwork of different colored paint samples. Standing in this empty space trying to decide on a color, I began to think of all the birthday parties and holiday celebrations that took place there, the many guests who sat at our table over the years, and the laughs, tears and even arguments those walls witnessed. This room is the heart of our home. It’s where anyone who enters the front door ends up; and where all are embraced, loved and made a part of our family.
An idea came to me that morning: Since this is also the room where we prayed around the dinner table for many people and their intentions, why not put them on a permanent prayer list? I took out a marker and began writing names and intentions. The kids came in and looked at me like I was nuts. “Yes!” I exclaimed. “You can write on the walls! We are going to fill them with all of our prayer intentions so that every night when we say grace, we can add, ‘And for everyone on our walls’ and they will be included in our prayers for as long as we live here.” They squealed with delight and began writing.
For a week or so, we added names of everyone we could think of. If anyone came over, we gave them a marker and told them that they could add people, too. The idea was that once the new paint covered the names, they would be sealed into our prayer walls and be a part of this house and our family forever.
About a year after our remodel, I came across a quote by Peter Kreeft, Professor of Philosophy at Boston College. This quote resonated with me and now hangs in my back hallway as a reminder of the importance of even the tiniest of prayers.
If prayer has the power of which Professor Kreeft speaks, it’s mind-boggling to think what differences we can make in people’s lives and the ripple effect those differences can have in the lives of others.
I visited with a friend from high school recently and we had a discussion on prayer. He told me when someone used to ask him to pray, he’d gladly oblige, but took to the task with a grain of salt. Wes was raised a Christian. “I’ll pray for you” was a natural response to unfortunate news. It’s a way of showing compassion and justifying oneself for doing something for someone in need. Until life threw him a curve ball and he was able to experience the power behind those words, they were nothing but a habitual response, bereft of any real veracity.
Wes lived his faith in his head. He did a great job of going through the motions, intellectually defending his Christianity, checking boxes and making a model appearance. That is until God allowed him to get knocked off his feet and put his faith to the test. (God seems to do this with us when we get complacent. He doesn’t want us to merely walk around wearing a Christian label. He wants to live in and through us, in relationship!)
Almost three years ago my friend was diagnosed with an aggressive form of colon cancer. Life, as he knew it, shredded to pieces before his eyes. God’s mercy was the only thing left on which to cling. He lost everything.
I remember days being on the phone, cheering him on, “You can do this! God never gives us more than we can handle. You must trust there is a reason for everything. One day you are going to use this situation to help others, you just watch and see!” I’d shoot off a heart-felt prayer, he’d thank me and we’d hang up. I’d kneel beside my bed and beg God to allow him another chance, if it be His will.
“Thy will be done.” Those are some courageous words. I recall back when my mother had cancer and we prayed those words. After she died I got mad at God. How could His will be to not heal her? How could He see my family suffer the way we were and not want to alleviate it? After all, we knew the best for all of us would be a complete healing. I thought God failed to answer our prayer.
In retrospect, He used my mother’s death to change course for my immediate family. I am thankful because, while I miss her tremendously, I doubt I would have ever returned to my Catholic faith had it not been for her requesting – on her deathbed – that I go back to R.C.I.A. and make my Confirmation. In my mother’s case, becoming healed was not what was best for me, let alone my father and sisters. Back then I was blind to understanding there could be a better plan in the making.
I took this into consideration while praying for Wes. In our heart-to-heart conversations we talked about death, seeing he had a brush with it a few times. Fortunately, because of those brushes, he came to the realization nothing in life matters except for the relationship between he and Christ.
Over the two years of suffering, he had come to know the love of God through the love given to him from others. Relying on the help of family and friends was an uncomfortable lesson for this man who always liked being in control, but it was necessary in teaching him that we aren’t meant to do this thing called *life* alone. Not only did he learn it’s easier when we allow the ebb and flow of love given and received in all relationships, but it’s necessary if we are to experience a real sense of belonging and authentic happiness.
My friend also came to know of God’s love through the concept of complete honesty. For once he didn’t make excuses, was forthright in owning up to every sin, and humbly lay prostrate in repentance. He felt God’s unfathomable mercy wash over him like a tidal wave. Again, prayers were answered.
Wes’s tears of despair turned into the greatest tears of joy – even in his time of hardship. My heart burst in elation the day he called, screaming into the phone, “Rob! You don’t get it! For the first time in my life I feel my Father’s love! I know Christ has my back!” After years of going through the motions, he knew – without a doubt – what it meant to have a relationship with Our Lord, and he trusted that no matter what happened to him – whether he lived or died – he would be okay.
In a conversation we had not long ago, he shared there was one day the suffering took its toll. He was done. It was a heavy load to carry. Depression set in, as it does with serious illness, and the thought of wanting to end it all had consumed his thoughts. He just wanted to be with Jesus and stop the agony.
That was the day he was shown the real power of payer: The morning was spent getting things in order. The plan was to drive his truck at high-speed into a section of oak trees at a bend in the road. Within minutes of leaving the driveway Wes received a phone call out of the blue from his brother asking how things were going. Without letting on, he listened to his brother’s words of encouragement. They prayed together and he hung up.
Within a few minutes the phone rang again; this time from his sister, also randomly calling to see how he was doing. Shortly after hanging up with her, a third call pinged his phone with someone else checking to see if he was hanging in there. By now he found himself distracted and turned around, driving back into the driveway. Once inside the house, God sent him one more message on Facebook from a fourth person *just checking in*. Bewildered, Wes sunk into his big easy chair trying to make sense of what just happened.
None of these people knew how badly this man was hurting; they had no idea he set out to end his life that day, nor did they know he received calls from the others. When asked later, all said Wes had been on their minds so they independently and spontaneously decided to call to find out how he was doing. They were clueless that God was using them as instruments in His hands to answer the prayers of many.
It brings a smile to my face to think He uses us at precise times or places to help others – sometimes it just may be a kind gesture or three simple words, “I love you” that someone needs to hear to be the deciding point in the fork in the road of life.
In Wes’s case, God had a different plan than He did for my mother. He chose to heal him of his cancer. I believe a lot had to do with the fact that he accepted God’s will no matter what. He got to the point of total surrender and was rewarded, generously! God also wanted to show Wes that, in spite of his sinful past and wrong choices, it wasn’t about punishing him with a life of perdition. No, He wanted Wes to know he is loved immensely, his life has purpose, and what he endured could be used for God’s greater good to help others. In my mother’s case, it was through her death that she helped others – mainly her family – for the greater good. We never know what Our Father has in store, but we can trust with certainty that what we are allowed to experience points to something wonderful in the long run.
Today my friend enjoys the gift of impeccable health – his body is stronger and in better shape now, at 51, than it was when I knew him in high school as a football player. He does not take this for granted, but lives every hour with joy and thanksgiving for his new life. He will tell you, while it was hell going through it, he’s glad God stripped him of everything and took him through this process because he’s never been happier.
During our visit, Wes received a text. “It’s a friend who is asking me to pray for them. Rob, I don’t take these requests lightly anymore. Can we stop and pray right now?” To which I replied with a smile, “Let’s do it!” We both bowed our heads, knowing when two or more are gathered in his name, he is in our midst.
While there’s nothing quite like being allowed to witness our prayers answered, we don’t always get to see the fruits of our prayerful labor. Sometimes it can get discouraging not knowing if we are making a difference.
A few years back I was praying for someone for quite some time and wanted to give up because I thought my prayers were being wasted. I went to Mass one particular morning and, exiting the church afterwards, met up with a friend whom I hadn’t seen for a year or so. Without knowing my frustration, Liz said in our quick conversation, “I had this quote pop up on my Facebook feed this morning and it immediately made me think of you. Now that you’re here, I think it’s meant for you to see.” When she pulled it up on her phone to show me, I was moved to tears. I took this *God-incidence* as an intimate gift from above, confirming that my prayers were not prayed in vain.
When God puts love and compassion in your heart toward someone, He’s offering you an opportunity to make a difference in that person’s life. You must learn to follow that love. Don’t ignore. Act on it. Somebody needs what you have.” – Joel Osteen
Whether our prayers be tiny ones like, “And for all the people on our wall”, or ones where we wring our knuckles while kneeling at the bedside, “Lord, give him another chance, if it be Your will”, or whether it’s years of, “Please melt the icy walls around their tender heart so they can come to know how much you love them”, they all are being heard. Sometimes their delay in being answered might also be for our benefit – maybe there is something we are meant to learn from constancy and perseverance. All I know is that if our tiny prayers have the power to make a difference, can you imagine how potent the big ones we pray with our heart must be? Perhaps this is why Jesus tells us, “Pray always without becoming weary”. (Luke 18:1)
With Passion and Purpose 